No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
