walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
