I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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