I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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