I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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