"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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