TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
