so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fuck appropriateness.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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