My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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