My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
