I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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