is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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