Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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