I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
