just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
