How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
