yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
