I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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