***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your penis caused this!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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