I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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