Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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