Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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