I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's never too late to be topless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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