Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
