He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
