I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
