id be glad to
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
