I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me