you traded sex for a burrito?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
