Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
