i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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