After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
