i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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