if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
