this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
