omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize