I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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