i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
