My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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