I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
