I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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