my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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