we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
