I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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