You made me cry and you don't even care
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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