I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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