let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
