yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
