2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
