you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
