Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
