I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
