We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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