do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
