i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
