True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
