I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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