You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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