after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
