I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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