What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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