If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
