i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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