Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
