My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
