Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
