Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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