Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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