At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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