I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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